Civil Funerals . . .

QUOTE: From Sydney Morning Herald.

THE popularity of I Did It My Way as a funeral song shows a ''vulgar egotism'' exists in society, the Anglican Archbishop of Sydney, Peter Jensen, says.

In his last presidential speech before retirement, Dr Jensen said society's shift towards ''deadly individualism'' had been driven by material wealth and technological mastery.

The cost of individualism, and the shift to self-love, had consequences for the quality of our community, family life and how we treat death. That was evident in the choice of ''our swan song of this generation'', Frank Sinatra's classic I Did It My Way, Dr Jensen said in his speech, titled ''Last Words''.

Reference: http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/gods-way-smarter-than-sinatras-says-jensen-20121008-279nb.html

Yes I would agree with many people, that the challenge for us all is to balance our needs as an individual with the needs of our community.

I find Jensen's comments confusing. I understood that Christianity was one of the major promoters of the need to respect each individual - for the need to support and promote human rights. Otherwise, where a community feels threatened by a few or even by the one, as in the recent shooting of the 14 year old Pakistani school-girl, Malala Yousafzai, not just one but large section of humanity are devalued.

So as a civil celebrant, who sees our role as respecting all people regardless of their religious, spiritual and other beliefs, I find it curious that some religious people, like Jensen, seem to be unaware of the value of civil funerals.

From my Christian upbringing I seem to remember that I was taught "God is Love" "God is Good" and "Jesus being the Way, the Truth and the Life".

Surely that is what civil funeral celebrants do - celebrate the life of the individual as a unique and precious human being. A creation that has never existed before and will never exist again. On religious logic, if a creator God was so adverse to the unique or one-off creation, then why make this in the first place?

Civil funeral celebrants focus on the contribution that individual made to his or her family and community, to the contribution that individual using and developing their knowledge, skills and talents.

Civil funeral celebrants try also to focus on the "truth" - not hiding or denying a person's weaknesses or faults (who does not have these?) but neither highlighting nor judging them (who amongst us will caste the first stone?)

Civil funerals, therefore, are not about an individual in isolation. This is not about "narcissistic" self-love, but healthy self-regard that is needed to life a fully conscious and courageous life.

There are religious people who believe that God's will for each individual is to fully express the potential of God's gift of life and to live "their truth", regardless of the pressure to conform to the values of the society within which they find themselves.

To live such a truth, is a way of sacrifice for at every point in life's journey, where we make decisions to do this rather than that, to take this road rather than that one, we sacrifice knowing what life would have been had we made that choice differently.

People who live their "way", their "truth" and "their life" like Christ are often crucified. Become the "whistle-blowers" and suffer greatly even unto death. 

These are the people who try to live a loving and good life - which see the forces of power and greed as they impact on people, animals and our planets and speak up.

Our democratic society sees some of these people as heroes and while other societies see them as blasphemers or fools. 

 Civil funeral celebrants hope focusing on the contributions the person who died has made, will inspire others to do likewise with their lives in the here and now.

For the after-life is theoretical and should not be an excuse hide all manner of hate, violence and greed. Jensen's Master himself said the 'the kingdom of God is within you"  (Luke 17:21).

Or another way of expressing this, if one uses the definitions of God above, may be - "the kingdom of LOVE is within you" or "the kingdom of LOVE is within you"

We played "I did it my way" at my Mother's funeral for Mum was a "character" - she was her own person and a woman before her time.

She was also one of the most kind, thoughtful and loving people our family ever knew. Not a birthday, nor anniversary, nor Christmas nor Easter went by without her extended family receiving a card (and gift) to let them know they were valued.

She sent patterns for headwear to strangers who had chemotherapy for cancer. She prayed to her God every night before going to sleep to look after all her family and friends and those less fortunate than herself until she entered a nursing home at 91 years and felt her God had abandoned her.

She did not go to church regularly as an adult but she lived her simple child-like belief of what God wanted of her.

For those who like Jensen, who may not know much about civil funerals,  "I did it my way” can exist with love and care for one's community and the world!

Rona Goold
Civil Celebrant and Chairperson
The Celebrants Network Incorporated
www.celebrations.org.au