Divorce Ceremony

The breakdown of a loving relationship and the breaking up of a couple or a family can be a time of great stress, grief and change.  It can also be amicable, a huge relief and a positive thing.  Either way, it is a big transition in your lives and it can be cathartic to move through this time with mindfullness, self care and ceremony.

During this time there might be possible feelings of loss [of what you had] ...

* hopes and dreams for the future
* confidence in one's capacity to make choices and commitments
* integrity in failing to uphold one's promises
* place, routines, and other relationships
* stability in the predictable, even if that had tensions and pain.

And fears as you move into the future ...
* of the unknown
* of the effects on children and other vulnerable parties
* of "starting again"
* of coping with other people's reactions and difficulties in the change in relationships
* of income, housing and other supports

Positives may be...

* relief in knowing that certain pain and suffering will be removed
* new energy is freed to be available to move forward

For some couples, their break up as been orchestrated by one party, leaving the other to be heartbroken.  For others, the decision may be mutual - a 'conscious uncoupling', if you will.  There are of course, infinite scenarios between those those two.  However your break up has occured, all the parties involved need to re-define their relationship going forward.

For some it may be no contact at all.

For some, children may be involved and therefore co-parenting must happen... you'll all be in each other's lives for ever.

For some, the couple stay great friends and even embrace each other's future partners & families.

Of course how your relationship ends up after divorce will depend on way too many factors to try and list here, but a great way (for some) to help you move forward with the next chapter in your lives is to close the last one with a Divorce Ceremony.

The idea of a Divorce Ceremony is to:

• look at the past - to draw from it the lessons learnt and the positive memories to be maintained.
• acknowlede the end of the marriage as well as the need for acknowledging their new status and what this means for immediate and extended family and friends, and
• explore future possibilities for living loving and creative lives with the support of family and friends with this changed status of the couple.

As there is no legal component to a Divorce Ceremony, it can include whatever you like... some ideas are:

• Both parties attend with family and friends
  • symbolically walk in to the ceremony space together and leave separately in different directions
  • each bring one thing from their married time together that the other gives their blessing for them to keep as a reminder of the good times
  • play music you both enjoyed
  • write words for each other that describe
    • what you loved about them
    • how you grew in your marriage
    • your hopes for them (or you together as friends) in the future
  • have children, family and friends speak 
  • symbolic separation rituals
  • hold your ceremony at dawn - a new day... or at sunset - as the sun sets on this marriage, etc...

• One party attends (if not amicable) with family and friends.  Sometimes when your break up has not been easy, it's difficult to get the closure you need to move to the next stage of your life.
  • release (environmently friendly) balloons - each one representing a feeling/thought/belief that you need to let go of... you can also write them all down and burn them in a firepit.
  • have your ceremony at the airport just before you board a plane to the destination your partner never wanted to visit
  • change your name (if applicible) back to your maiden name or create a fresh new one
  • it's important to remember, that this ceremony is a way to let go of all the anger so you can move on fresh and unencumbered.  Therefore, even if you feel animosity towards your ex... this is the time to let it go.
    • this is also a good point to remember especially if you have children